It was exactly twenty days after my wedding and 12 days after my wedding reception when I first hit a panic button. I counted the days again. Something did not add up well, either I was seeing a wrong calendar or my counting skills were awful or I must have went to a slumber mode during my biology class when my teacher taught me reproductory system. I speed dialed my friend and explained the situation. She laughed and said that can’t be possible “it isn’t all that simple like they show in the movies after one rainy night”. She was absolutely right, it’s not that easy to get pregnant in 20 days. A lot of technicalities are involved in it(few of them who are reading this will understand what I am talking about). We hadn’t been trying but we hadn’t been careful either.
I did wait for another three more days and took the so-called kit to the restroom hoping it would be a false alarm. It could not have been more than two minutes but those were the longest two minutes of my life. It showed positive and I sobbed for what seemed like eons. By then someone tried to open the restroom from outside. It was an urgent call from a full bladdered girl.
I wasn’t excited. This can’t happen to me. I was too young to be a mom. I had a career which just took off and I have miles to go. I had onsite dreams and most of all I haven’t gone on my honeymoon yet. I casually told my husband and predictably he(the culprit)was happy. My whole family was thrilled except for me.Ours was an arranged marriage and I did not even know husband’s favorite color, but I was here bearing his contribution inside me.
I spoke to an aunt who happened to have a baby after 14 years of her married life, she told me how much she wanted a baby in the initial years and how she lost hope on every passing year. She told me that there is nothing close to the joy of holding a baby. After which I respected the little one’s right to strive and took all care to make sure that the baby was safe inside. But for whatever reason I stayed detached. I pretended that nothing had changed in my life. Very soon my hormones were raging and became imbalanced. Morning sickness hit me like a tornado and I remember my initial days were literally being spent inside the restroom. The restroom once I loved became my hate place for the first time
Somewhere during the fourth month my stomach started to show and I sensed the little one grow inside me and I couldn’t wear my favorite jeans from then on(I still can’t ). Most of my relatives patted my belly while they thought I was a laughing Buddha and I was not thrilled even then. I took electric train when I commuted and shopped in Sowcarpet on a rainy day. Basically I wanted to prove myself that pregnancy could not be an hindrance.
I had all possible pregnancy related problems one could think of. I threw up till I left home for my labor, I did sweat like a pig all day around, was hospitalized two days for nonstop puking, zero weight gain till my seventh month, acidity problems, sleep deprivation and on the top list was my tooth pain. I had one, just one dear decayed tooth before my wedding which from third month gave me severe pain and the doctors would not give me any painkiller because it wasn’t good for my growing tummy. They wouldn’t extract the tooth without an x-ray on my teeth-which was a strict NO from both my gynae and the dentist. So I had to endure the pain for the next seven months which was like walking on charcoal every minute.
The silver lining of all this was the love from my husband. My love for my married stranger grew on an exponential curve every single day. But one fine day during my fourth month he told me that he had to go onsite for a month. This shattered me as my only stress buster was leaving and I was lonely with only me and my mom at home. Even when I was alone I didn’t feel a thing for the baby and did not talk to him in spite of many people asking me to do so.
And that’s when this happened- on a busy morning I was rushing to office when I happened to cross a wood mill where the saw was drilling or chopping the wood. It was too noisy and at that moment the little alien inside me was startled and gave me a jolt. For the first time I felt his existence inside me. The little alien was listening and it had a life. He wanted to be very sure that I understood what he was trying to convey and stop being a jerk to him. I couldn’t exactly put into words of how I felt then. I liked the little one inside me and wondered if it was a he or she. I spoke to the little one and started picking on names.
Two days later after this sudden U-turn of my feelings, my husband was back and when I hugged him I realized we were not two anymore but three and that we were a family. Priceless feeling that was.
Five months later he was born after a not so easy delivery. He was brought to me after I was shifted to my room and put on my arms. He looked up at me and stirred his body as if to say “ hello, so you are that jerk. Nice to meet you”. I was exhausted but this little magic on my arms gave me a high. I was proud of myself for having made him from scratch. I cuddled him for some more time while I counted his toes and fingers and studied the wrinkles on his forehead. And I realized that a whole new chapter of my life has just begun.
P.S: It isn’t easy. Either it takes a lot of time to have a baby. Or it happens too fast before you are ready like it happened to me. Or you are single and not married. Or when one partner is ready for the baby and the other isn’t. Or you are finically not yet ready for the baby. Or you are afraid of the commitment and dedication it needs for the baby. Or you conceived but you miscarried. Or you have the baby but no money. Or you have the baby but have hell lot of family disputes. Whatever the reason is, it is not easy and definitely not what you expected.
But god has a unique plan for each one. One might grow up the career ladder. One might have a good family support. One might enjoy their married life with their partner till the baby episode commences .One might get to travel abroad and have their share of fun before the baby. One might get financially strong to provide their best for the baby. All we have to do is understand what plan god has charted for us and start embracing it. And definitely that would be a smart plan than the one formulated by us.